AntiMovies

How Do You Know

bman — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 04:39:11 +0000

IMDb: How Do You Know (2010)

How do you know when you’re about to waste two hours of your life? How do you know when you should walk out of a theater before a movie even starts?

Well, to be honest, if you watched the trailers, you wouldn’t know this movie was the rank, festering bowl …

G.I. Joe

bman — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 17:52:14 +0000

IMDb: G.I. Joe (2009)

Oh, yeah, I can smell this one a mile away.

One look at the cast photos gives this one away. Maybe it’s the smirks on the actor’s faces, or the surprisingly fake looking costumes–perhaps the clothing catalog poses.

As long as we have the director of The Mummy, The Mummy Returns…

Village, The

flipflopgirl — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 21:27:22 +0000

IMDb: The Village (2004)

Have you ever left a movie and said to yourself, “There’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back”? That’s how I felt leaving the theater after sitting through this stupid movie. First off I’m not a huge M. Night Shyamalan fan. I liked The Sixth Sense but I didn’t love …

Cat in the Hat, The

bman — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 05:22:39 +0000

IMDb: The Cat in the Hat (2003)

Christ…I had the misfortune of watching this film. In the theater. Some children were present.

If they were my kids, I would have ushered them away immediately to spare their innocent souls.

Instead I stayed through the whole 82 minutes—I was captivated by the shittiness. It was like watching …

Return of the Jedi (Special Edition)

bman — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 01:45:37 +0000

IMDb: Return of the Jedi (1983)

Feeling he hadn’t screwed these movies up enough, George Lucas decided to take a machete to Return of the Jedi back in 1997. The band in Jabba’s palace was enhanced digitally (R.I.P. puppet Sy Snootles) and they are made to play a new song. Jedi Rocks I believe it is …

Meet the Spartans

bman — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 17:41:32 +0000

IMDb: Meet the Spartans (2008)

This AntiMovie has already been thoroughly lambasted here. So I will save you the gory details.

Now let us never speak of it again.…

X-Men: The Last Stand

bman — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 23:51:30 +0000

IMDb: X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

Though I’ve bagged on Brian Singer before, he did create a very watchable and grown-up version of a super hero movie with X-Men—and a great sequel too. Maybe they were a tad bit soap opera-ish, but the relationship between Wolverine and Rogue in the first film was an interesting …

Ghostbusters II

bman — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 18:52:48 +0000

IMDb: Ghostbusters II (1989)

What the hell happened? Ghostbusters was one of the biggest movies ever, and they followed it up 5 years later with this crap?

This movie reeks of cheesy sequel pitfalls such as: shameless and unnecessary reference to the original, rehashing, and destruction of character integrity. Now, I have to admit, the first …

Inland Empire

dunkabob — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 23:41:29 +0000

IMDb: Inland Empire (2006)

Don’t even ask. Just trust me on this one. What’s sad is that I actually thought this Lynch picture might work for me, since it advertised itself as another creepy Hollywood story (Mulholland Drive, anyone?), but with an even eerier aura about it. Perhaps I was still riding high on …

Black Dahlia, The

dunkabob — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 03:42:39 +0000

IMDb: The Black Dahlia (2006)

This flower STUNK. And yet, the conditions for cultivating a prize bloom seemed ideal: Green thumb director from the film school generation attempts a comeback by harvesting an infamous story planted deep within the gritty soil of an unsolved murder mystery, nourished by sunny, So Cal skies. Unlike seemingly similar films …