AntiMovies

IMDb: The Black Dahlia (2006)

This flower STUNK. And yet, the conditions for cultivating a prize bloom seemed ideal: Green thumb director from the film school generation attempts a comeback by harvesting an infamous story planted deep within the gritty soil of an unsolved murder mystery, nourished by sunny, So Cal skies. Unlike seemingly similar films of the genre (L.A. Confidential, Hollywoodland), The Black Dahlia fails to pull the viewer into the world of the characters. What a pity…there was so much potential there. While the film was advertised as a gritty expose on the darker side of Hollywood, The Black Dahlia comes across instead as a high school production of Guys and Dolls: After Dark. Ten minutes into the film, it hit me: this movie is going to suck. I just hate when this happens, especially when it’s a film you’ve been looking forward to, as I was about Dahlia. Once this moment occurs, however, you’re met with a dilemma and forced to make a decision: Do I get up and leave, cursing as I step over people that I wasted my hard-earned money (and Friday night!) on this celluloid cellulite — or — do I sit back, grip my armrests, and hope that it doesn’t get any worse?

I guess you can tell which option I chose. Here are my main problems with the film (and let it be known that I have nothing personal against period pieces, De Palma, or Young Hollywood). I do, however, have issues when the three do not mix, and we aren’t supposed to notice. To keep this post as short as it can be, here are the main problems:

Issue I: Miscasting the Leads — It seems De Palma chose his actors more for their resumes than their actual suitability for the roles. A few prime examples:

1.) Scarlett Johansson — she’s sexy, but definitely too young to play an ex-call girl-turned-doting-but-bored policeman’s wife. Perhaps her portrayal of a disillusioned young bride was believable in Lost in Translation (a role she played while still a teenager), but in this effort, I couldn’t help thinking she looked like a disturbing child bride, a la Pretty Baby. Here’s a tip: boozy flaunting doesn’t translate to maturity. On the contrary, she puts the “gin” in ingénue. I kept wondering when her character could have possibly had time to live such a seedy past — middle school, perhaps?!?

2.) Josh Harnett — Portraying a convincing, mature male lead has been a laughable feat for Harnett since Pearl Harbor (yes, I laughed during that movie). Like so many actors of his generation, Harnett graduated from the ’90’s Sullen Teen Heart Throb School of Acting, meaning he mistakes irritating squinting for dramatic emoting. To add insult to injury in this film, the squinting technique usually follows a cloud of blasé, baritone exasperations. In essence, he unevenly stomps around in his suspenders and undershirts like a caricature of a boxer-turned-hard-boiled detective, as if even the role itself knows he’s ill-fitting. Like Johansson — a fellow baritone, he simply seems too young for the role. Last, but not least:

3.) Hilary Swank — Swank is perhaps the most miscast player in this poor excuse for a 40’s noir. Phallic cigarette holder, lesbian watering hole patronage, and navy blue Gilda dress be damned! Regardless of the two Oscars under her belt, La Swank cannot convince me of her seductiveness, even in the 40’s. Maybe it’s her androgynous, centurion demeanor. Maybe because I will forever see her in drag, making out with Chloe Sevigny. Maybe because all she scored using her real life seduction techniques was the Lesser Lowe. Hey, what do I know? Irregardless, the whole vampy, poor-little-rich-girl-obsessed with-the-dead-girl shtick just didn’t work for me. What’s worse, I read somewhere that Eva Green (The Dreamers, Casino Royale) turned down this role of this femme fatale. Knowing this: should I be glad that miz Eva saved her career by avoiding this project…or, should I be angry that because she turned it down, WE all had to suffer…? HOWEVER, there is one glimmer of hope: Mia Kirshner as the Black Dahlia. Like her portrayal of tortured writer Jenny in Showtime’s The L Word, Kirshner brings a raw naiveté and sad sexiness to the role of Elizabeth Short (La Dahlia), a small-town girl caught up in the seedy underworld of Tinseltown. Indeed, Kirshner succeeds in raising the character above a caricature, something that De Palma should have thought to work on with the rest of the cast.

Issue II: Obvious Rip Offs from Better Films — Swank obviously wishes she were Barbara Stanwyck. We are all thankful she failed at this imitation. — De Palma’s decision to tie in a poor man’s Chinatown twist near the end made me want to slice my own nose.

Issue III: Friends in High Places — The fact that this film was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Cinematography lies solely in the reputation of Vilmos Zsigmond, whose body of work is indeed impressive, but let it be known that this film also features a lingering shot on Josh Harnett’s taint, which, to this viewer, should have disqualified the film from the Oscar race.

The Verdict: This film left me frustrated and enraged, mostly because a reputable director of the genre (The Untouchables was decent) managed to poorly explore the most notoriously unsolved murder case in L.A. history. While the final flashbacks and explanations are effectively creepy and pose an interesting interpretation of what might have happened on the night of the murder, it’s simply too little too late. The fact that two-thirds of the movie focuses on a boring love triangle with three miscast actors unfortunately overshadows what could have been an in-depth exploration of a dark corner of Hollywood history. In short, don’t waste your time renting this film. Choose L.A. Confidential or Hollywoodland instead (both films were brilliantly cast and pose intriguing storylines and love stories of all shapes). If you want to really get the story on the Black Dahlia case, go to your nearest book store and flip through a copy of the many books written about the notorious murder. But Beware: the graphic forensic photos from the actual crime scene are both shocking and stay with you. Sadly, The Black Dahlia has the same effect, but worse.